Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
