I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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