Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
