Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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