The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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