I got chris browned last night
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize