dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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