Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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