Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
