we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
