Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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