Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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