I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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