I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
