he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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