epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
