Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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