i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
