I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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