Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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