I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
