I can text with my tongue
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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