I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Terrible idea I love it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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