Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize