There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need water and some morals
we're so committed to being not committed
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
