remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
