Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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