fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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