I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
