Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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