I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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