Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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