i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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