Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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