Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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