anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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