it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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