what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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