Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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