I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
