At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
