you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
