Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
