Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I checked into jail on foursquare
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
