Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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