At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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