dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm too high and old for this...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize