Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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