remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
