how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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