Duck Duck Cougar?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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