Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
