peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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