Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
