The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
