we have officially lost it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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