The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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