and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
