I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I love you. Go after that dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
