I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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