So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
