I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
