i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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