I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
