Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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