Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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