I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
