her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
