I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
