Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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