the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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