He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
