bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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