Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
