If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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