we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
