Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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