and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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