Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
