K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
