so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
