seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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