i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
