i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
