You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
