Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
