the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
