His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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