help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
