There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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