i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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