I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry about my life...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
